part 2 and final part
eventually my partner came onto the ward still very groggy and after a few more hours began to come around and squeezed my hand very tightly and said”im sorry i lost our baby”after lots of tears and reassuring talk of”it is ok darling its not your fault etc.
on realease from hospital i obviosly took time off work and we decided to go and see her family in scotland.
she seemed happier on the journey up there and i could not think about our baby because i had to concentrate on the driving.on our arrival i thought fantastic her mother and family will understand and i could go and grieve quietly without causing my love hurt-but instead of what i thought would begin a healing progress but i was so wrong.
after days of listening to my ex partner getting told by her family”it was not your fault and you can have another baby etc.
and then from out of nowhere the questions and allegations-and i suppose you where at work as usual and its no thanks to you our daughter did not die to,and why didnt you make the doctor take her into hospital earlier like any man would have done,if you cared about her and the baby you should have been there for her instead of leaving her to cope alone.
i did not expect any of this and it made the loss of OUR baby even more unbearable and i consoled myself by convincing myself its only there grief showing but after a week of this and then my expartner starting to agree with them,i could not have felt any lower-i do not know or can ever know how it feels for a mother to lose a baby but i knew the pain for a dad-
-we returned back to england and we did stay together for 4years but things where never the same,my ex constantly started to throw little remarks which became bigger inmy direction and how it was my fault her baby died.i am not going to explain my feelings i could not describe them.
she wanted to move to scotland to be with her family so we did three years later our little angel was born and the stupin innuendo and direct remarks started again in my direction,if you had not got with him and moved to england this bairn would have been four now-we told you but you would not listen-we split up a year later and now in 2012-17 years after our first little angel died
i have been able to talk about through this fantastic group of people,forget never but i feel i have grieved properly over the last 3 days and that is because the group and one individual in it gave me the encouragement to write this and from my lost little angel and myself—thank you
please do not let any one say its not a baby at that stage and please consider the fathers too/
good night godbless angel from dad,i did not meet your physical prescence but for 17 years darling you have been with me in my heart,soul and i love you darling now as idid then and then will never change darling